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Sometimes as I’m laying in bed I take out my scalpel and contemplate cutting. Most nights I look at my old scars and I am able to distract/convince myself not to. Tonight was not one of those nights. Now I’m left feeling satisfied and guilty at the same time. Sometimes I just really hate myself.

OMG!!! OMG!!! Best moment of my life just happened. My ex fiancée has been advertising the whole break up drama on Facebook for everyone to see and trying to make everyone believe it was my fault. In fact, he was mentally abusing me and cheating on me so I finally grew the balls to leave after six years. Not once did I post anything or slander his name or try to get pity on facebook/in public like he has. I sent a nice personal letter and sent it through the mail along with the ring and his keys.

To make the story short, he posted on Facebook again to get pity from these girls he was talking to during our relationship. His cousin…let me repeat COUSIN (his own family)…just blasted him on Facebook for everyone to see in a comment under the pity post. His cousin basically said everything that I have been saying the past 3 years of the relationship to my ex and that if he really wanted me back like he says he did, he would send me a personal message and not air his drama out on facebook. His cousin also said that the fact that he is airing it on Facebook shows that he is more interested in receiving pity than anything else. Did I also mention the part where he called him a freeloader and user and all he ever does is whine about problems that he created for himself. Again OMG!!

So I would like to thank my ex’s cousin for saying basically everything that I have not only been bottling up the last couple of weeks (because I was being mature and not airing my drama to the public) but the last 3 years!! I feel on top of the world right now! It’s pretty bad when your own cousin side’s with me!

So my ex fiance has the balls to post on facebook “you promused you’d never leave me. ” seriously…how about the part when you promised not to cheat on me and talk shit on me and mentally abuse me? And is it necessary to air your drama on Facebook for everyone to see. I should be the one posting mean things about you… and I haven’t not even once. Because even though I’m younger than you…I don’t feel the need to act like I’m in high school anymore. Just drank half a bottle of skinny girl margarita…by myself…In my bedrooom…While doing word puzzles.

So here is an update of my shitty life. I broke off my relationship of 6 yrs, 2 of which were engaged, due to the fact I caught him cheating and talking to girls for the second time. Not only that but he said some pretty mean things about me. Oh and he had been putting down everything I was excited for and not allowing me to be happy. When I was happy he would immediately think of something to drag me down. I feel relieved and heartbroken all at the same time. I bought a new car. I got a new haircut. I got a pedicure. I started cutting again. I’ve slipped back into my eating disorder. I’ve started taking pills again. I transitioned to a new unit at work since they closed ours. It’s neither a good or bad thing. My brother graduated high school and started his training program for construction. I couldn’t be more proud of him. I have been sick with my asthma for 2 weeks straight now even with prednisone and antibiotics. My migraines have flared. I finally wrote a letter to attach with the engagement ring I’m sending back to my ex. And successfully bawled my eyes out the whole time I wrote it. Sorry this is in such random order but my thinking isn’t very organized at this point.

Now I’m laying in bed not able to breath right, eyes swollen from crying and a migraine. I was laying here wondering if I should just really give up this time, end it all. Then I look back on the above that I just wrote and realize the good things in my life. My family, my career, my education, etc. and it is not worth losing these. Then I also realize that I have been worse before in my past abusive relationship of 5 years. I was physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused. I was raped and he got me pregnant. I was forced into abortion. My life was threatened multiple times. I smoke and drank. I was addicted to pain killers. I wished everyday that something would just kill me already. I attempted suicide. 

Moral of the story, if I can get through all of that and still be here, there is a reason. I am strong for being here still. There are so many things worth living for. Plus all of my pain and suffering and recovery would go to waste. I’ve already wasted enough time in my life worrying about other people who do not care about me. It is time for me to put myself first and be happy with myself before I am happy with anything else in my life. I know it won’t be easy and I know it will take some time but I will do it, I am not one to give up.

When your patient is trying to show you how much withdrawal they are going through

whatweshouldcallnursing2:

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Because they are admitted at least every 3 months for alcohol withdrawal and know the WAS scale like the back of their hands. And I’m like yah you’re score is elevated, now here’s some benzos…go to sleep. I will see you again in another 3 months.

When the doctor finally answers your page about something urgent and then tells you to calm down

whatweshouldcallnursing2:

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After you have paged them 3 times because your pt is bleeding and your contemplating just calling a code so they have to show up anyways but then they page you back as you reach for the button.

When your verbally abusive patient leaves AMA

whatweshouldcallnursing2:

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Deal with this at least once a week with all the alcohol detoxs we get that once they sober up they realize they magically no longer want to detox and would like to go home a drink and come back in a few days.

How sick you have to be go get out of work

whatweshouldcallnursing2:

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with a doctors note too, of course.

This was me last week. My mom driving me to the hospital, on top of being deathly ill, I’m crying/having a panic attack saying things like my jobs going to fire me, etc. My mom, well what would happen if you didn’t go to the hospital and died…then you really wouldn’t have a job. LOL. 

Trying to get your papers/chart back after a doctor takes your seat at the nurse’s station

whatweshouldcallnursing2:

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Yes you would think stacks of papers/pens, snack and drinks would signal to them that someone may be sitting at this computer.

When you are all gowned up in an isolation room waiting for someone to grab that one piece of supplies you forgot to grab

whatweshouldcallnursing2:

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Also pacing room wondering if they forgot about you.



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