First off, I have already rationalized why it will be ok to cut myself even though I have to go to clinical tomorrow and wear white pants. It’s because I remembered I have gauze pads and medical tape. Second, usually when I have a great urge to cut I am lying in bed and will zone out and grab the nearest object and attempt to cut myself with it. Third, I don’t want to have horrendous nightmares like I always do. So maybe I will just sit here on my couch online until I pass out. Or maybe I will go to bed and try to be brave. I do have to be up at 5 AM and have to be ready to drive for an hour.
#self-harm #cutting #I want to go to bed #afraid #mental illness #nightmares #me #personal